To the Families of the victims, my heart aches for you and oddly enough, I thank you...

I’ve been trying to figure out why the tragedy in Newtown has impacted me so much, aside from the obvious reasons that is and I think I’ve finally come to understand it.  One would think that it is the shear fact that I am a Mommy and have 4 kiddos of my own or that one of mine is 5 1/2 years old and so it hits close to home.  Those are valid reasons, but what I realized is that it goes way beyond that.

 I have cried the tears of sorrow with empathetic grief for the families, the victims, the survivors, and our country.  I have looked into my children’s eyes and see the innocence and love and find myself sad for what those families will miss and had taken from them.  It tears me up inside to know that the bright futures those children should be excited to experience have been dimmed all too quickly.  And it pains me… not in a gee I’ll cry a few tears and I’ll be ok kind of way, but in a truly physically painful way where there is a constant “sick in the gut” kind of feeling.  I didn’t understand it, but I think I have finally figured it out.

You see, like many other parents out there, I hug my children tighter, relish more in the little daily moments that sometimes get lost in the shuffle of my busy day, stare at my kiddos while they lay sleeping, speak more gently to them and think more clearly about my words I say as I send them off to school, don’t waste a moment to praise them, listen more, pray more, care more, and love more- if that’s even possible. 

In light of what sorrow comes from something like this, I am relieved to have found something positive in all of this.   I am forever changed by the events and I have the families to thank,  for their child’s death will not be in vain and they will never be forgotten.  I will forever be grateful to them for their gift to me is the reminder to be a better parent and to be grateful for literally every second I am blessed to have my angels here on earth.  That no matter how many times I may be frustrated with having to repeat myself, pick up yet another toy, or stop another sibling disagreement, I should remember that I am lucky to be able to have those moments that are thankfully far and few between.  Their gift to me is to remember the same feeling I had the day I gave birth to every single child… the unconditional and overwhelming love that so often gets clouded in the day to day duties of life.  So for that, I have to simply say thank you for giving me a second chance to be an even better parent because one never knows when it could be too late.
~T. Roach of California

by T. Roach in Wilton